sanity fractured

In the beginning it wasn't pervasive, it was simply there and then gone.  It wasn't something I was unfamiliar with, just something I didn't really want to face.  It didn't take up more than three weeks of a month - more like just three days, and that was easily ignored.

memories

My husband and I recently arrived back home from a two and a half week vacation to Europe, but this wasn't any normal vacation to Europe.  this was me exploring places I had lived as a high school kid and hadn't seen in years and trying to show my husband all of the memories I had of my time there.  It's impossible to pack that many years into such a little amount of time, but we tried.

dreams go grey (illustrated)

Dreams go grey...

full circle

It’s ironic, when I think about it, how much my life has gone, if not full circle, come back around again.

dreams go grey

what once foreseen
will never stay

taking chances

I'm feeling a little bit like the guy over there on the left - like a deer caught in the headlights right now.  Well, I did it; I went public.  Okay, not exactly what you're thinking right now, but to me it's as dramatic as that.  

pojedu domů/i'm going home

It's been almost nine years since I've been home, so long that I'd given up on going back.  I cried a little when I submitted my application for my third passport, I've had a U.S.passport for more than half my life now, I feel old.  I cried a little more when I received it in the mail two weeks later - the response time was fast, guess it helps that I've had one before and never been in trouble?  But when we actually sat down, talked about flights and purchased the tickets?  Yeah...I had virtually no reaction, until today, two days later, it's finally setting in. I'm going home!

ramblings from days gone by...

The sun is setting already.  Too soon, say I. It seems just a few minutes ago when I opened my eyes to this day, to these few hours I pretend to be alive.  All too soon, and yet sometimes I feel it is not soon enough, will I be able to close my eyes once more, and be gone unto the oblivion which I seek. 

Burned Out - Burned Up

Burned out...that's a good term for it.  Maybe I flew so high on all of those emotions those years ago and then like Icarus, I burned up that which was holding me up.

i wonder...

To see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

~          William Blake Auguries of Innocence 

a sucker punch + breaking benjamin

It's the little things that catch me by surprise, and they always, always come when I'm so happy that I'm not concentrating on the here and now.  This past Sunday I just wanted to shout out in excitement, share my happiness with the world.  Writing's been taking off, school's been, well and to top it off - guess what - my team made the Superbowl!!!

stop SOPA/PIPA

Today I randomly logged into twitter on my laptop for the first time in awhile had an unpleasant surprise - I've heard of SOPA and PIPA, but didn't realize they were here, now....all over twitter there's news of the internet "going dark" of sites blacking out.  All because of SOPA/PIPA - I won't take the time to explain - use the link, I'll let wikipedia help out there.

the more i write the more i need to write

I'm finding lately, the more I've been writing, the more things I've found to write about.  

can't sleep words won't stop

Warning, run on sentence: Interestingly enough, the other night, after I had complained here about sometimes not being able to sleep because the words wouldn't stop, for the first time in years, I couldn't sleep because the words wanted out.  

other theories on why words stay away

In my last post I mentioned that there were also other theories that have been put forth as to why I'm not writing as I used to when I was younger.  

why i stopped writing

When my dad died, I was 22.  Ruthlessly, I cut the words out of my life.  I stopped writing.  Period.  Words were my way to express emotion and I decided I didn't want to feel anymore, so even though the words came, I forced them back.