One Year Without You

February 2nd, 2020 - February 2, 2021. Three hundred and sixty five days without you. For your anniversary, I wanted to write something super special. My journey of learning to live without you, and how big of a hole you've left in our lives. Including that, as recently as today, I sat down on the bed and somehow expected you to jump up with me - you never would get up on the bed until I did, but as soon as I did, you were right there settling in with me. But I can't share that, not yet, maybe never.

So Much for My Happy Ending

It's been six months since Demandred left. Six months since I lost one of my best friends. Six months since a piece of my heart was ripped out, never to be replaced. Five months tomorrow since we lost Da'shain without warning. Five months since another piece of my heart was just gone. Five months since I had to say goodbye to my first dream big dog. I miss my boys, I miss #theBenajminCrew. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them, miss them, cry because my heart has broken so hard and it's still in pieces. 

happy birthday, daddy

Happy birthday, Daddy. This is what, your sixty second? The last one you celebrated here with us was your 49th....wow, time flies, doesn't it? It never seems to fly by, but then so soon, too soon, it's May again, and yet another birthday of yours goes by. And in eight short days it'll be thirteen years we've been mourning your loss. Yet, really, it's not mourning your loss so much as remembering you.

Uncle Eric

Eric Raymond Johnson

Born: January 18^th 1965
Died: February 25^th 2015

Putting my fingers to the keys, I’m at first just tapping away without any words forming. I’m not sure I can do this…I've thought about doing this for four days now…ever since that call…that call from my mother that I almost didn't take because it was late, I was tired, and my husband had just gotten home from his long day away and we were still just catching up. But I answered.

Dear Daddy

Dear Dad,

A lot can happen in twelve years, sometimes it seems life slows down as you get older, fewer things happen, but, looking back, that doesn't seem so true.