February 2nd, 2020 - February 2, 2021. Three hundred and sixty five days without you. For your anniversary, I wanted to write something super special. My journey of learning to live without you, and how big of a hole you've left in our lives. Including that, as recently as today, I sat down on the bed and somehow expected you to jump up with me - you never would get up on the bed until I did, but as soon as I did, you were right there settling in with me. But I can't share that, not yet, maybe never.
Since I'm not ready for that, I'll share what I wrote a year ago, and had only shared privately, as I wasn't ready to even share this just yet. You can find Dred's simple origin story here.
As of February 2nd, 2020, Dred's watch has ended.
Jealous One, Demandred - April 26, 2012 - February 2, 2020
Dred was our second foster, taken in while we still had our first foster, our Hershey girl. The minute I laid eyes on him I knew he would be staying with us forever. D, my husband, hesitated only because he was thinking of the overall picture - how would this dog fit in with our current pack? How would I feel later, as Dred's personality wasn't what I'd thought I was looking for in a dog to fit in with our crew. I'd wanted a playmate for our standard poodle, Da'shain, but Dred and Da'shain would never wrestle together, though boy would they run miles together through the years.
Chronicling our journey together I've written so much in Facebook, Instagram, and blog posts about what this boy means to me, what he's taught me. Suffice to now say that Demandred embodied everything that a Doberman should be; "energetic, watchful, determined, alert, fearless, loyal and obedient". Dred was a working Doberman, and the way he paid attention to his family, and to me in our daily life was incredible. Dogs watch our body language, focusing on our facial expressions for cues on what we want from them. Dred and I were so in tune that I could make a slight movement, from down the field and he would know to Down, or Come, this isn't something we actively worked on, it just happened. The first few times I didn't know why Dred broke his Stay to come RUNNING to me, it took me a few times to realize my body language was asking him to Come. So we worked on it together, toned down my body language and toned up his understanding of it. Later, to some people it seemed like Dred was reading my mind when it was time for him to Come. Our trainers were always impressed with how engaged Dred was with us, whether out on the training field, or in the middle of an expo. I could call Dred from across the field, with multiple dogs in various activities in between us, and Dred would always come straight to me, never wavering.
Writing this I realize it sounds like Dred was just naturally like that, without any kind of training, but that's not the entire story. Dred was engaged with us and he desperately needed to work so we trained. Starting small, celebrating every win, and making it all so fun for him, and lots of informal times at home as well, it helped that he was a natural. When training we always focused on him, and he LOVED the attention, so he rewarded us with giving us all of his attention back. Our connection, our bond, grew and over time it didn't feel like training, it felt like this was how it was meant to be. I could call him from across the training field and he'd come straight to me because I would always be there for him and always be more interesting to him than anything else he could find on his own.
Dred was still a jerk, still felt he was entitled to whatever the rest of the crew had, be it toys, food, space, etc... He was still a bull in a china shop, not caring what he knocked over or who he stepped on in order to lay down next to us. You could count on him trying to eat from your plate, even when we were at the dining table (which is why we perfected his Bed/Place command, lol) Dred was actually rather compact for a Doberman, weighing in at a lean 65 pounds, a friend once met him and exclaimed "I thought he was a large Doberman!" Naw, it was his personality that was larger than life.
Diagnosed with Valley Fever in his brain at at age four, and suffering from about a seizure a year, Dred fought the VF valiantly. We monitored his heart through holter testing, and his heart was always healthy. Because of the fluconazole we also monitored his liver, and even had a biopsy done when the numbers dipped, so we could keep his liver as healthy as possible. Still, in August of last year he had a cluster of seizures that ended up with him on Keppra 3x's a day to prevent the seizures. We hoped at first it was just a bad effect from antibiotics he'd been on, but when we tried to taper off the Keppra, his seizures came back, our trusted vet thoughts were that it was VF/scar tissue from VF. Ultimately, I retired my training partner from our classes, we'd gone through Basic, Intermediate, CGC, and countless Advanced classes together, I didn't want to ask anything of him that he couldn't give. Instead we went on weekend adventures, out to breakfast, hiking, and so much more.
The Keppra successfully controlled his seizures for about 3 months, in the fourth month we started CBD oil as well, which seemed to be helping. The rare seizure that broke through was so mild it almost wasn't a seizure. In the wee hours of January first, after nearly everyone had gone home from the New Year's Eve party, Dred had another seizure. A week later, he had another. While we hoped and prayed that it was just the stress of the new year (Dan had surgery early January, my mom and her husband came to visit/help, then I had surgery), but Dred continued having about a seizure a week.
Then February 2nd he had another mini seizure in the morning; Dred did his bull in a china shop routine, and he came was back to himself, as it were and we all hung out together for awhile. That afternoon we went to a Superbowl party, came home, Dan took the dogs outside, came back inside, upstairs with the dogs, and we chilled out, letting them get some cuddle/relax time before bedtime. Dred was laying on the bed with me, when he suddenly got up, and I knew he was about to have a seizure. Dan came over to lay with Dred (Dred always fought the seizures less and came out of them faster when we were touching him), and I put the other dogs away. The seizure seemed to be winding down, when he went into another one....and another...in the end he took a deep breath and passed held in Dan's arms.
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