One Year Without You

February 2nd, 2020 - February 2, 2021. Three hundred and sixty five days without you. For your anniversary, I wanted to write something super special. My journey of learning to live without you, and how big of a hole you've left in our lives. Including that, as recently as today, I sat down on the bed and somehow expected you to jump up with me - you never would get up on the bed until I did, but as soon as I did, you were right there settling in with me. But I can't share that, not yet, maybe never.

2020 Over/2021 - The Ending Has Not Yet Been Written

However much it was a kick in the face to read my decade wrap up for 2010-2020 and at the end see – “2020 - I am beyond excited about everything that's coming up ❤”, ironically while my life did change in 2020, for me, not much of it was due to COVID. For me it’s not possible to just “think of the positives” because it’s about balance for me – I have to also reflect on the hard stuff too.  

So Much for My Happy Ending

It's been six months since Demandred left. Six months since I lost one of my best friends. Six months since a piece of my heart was ripped out, never to be replaced. Five months tomorrow since we lost Da'shain without warning. Five months since another piece of my heart was just gone. Five months since I had to say goodbye to my first dream big dog. I miss my boys, I miss #theBenajminCrew. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them, miss them, cry because my heart has broken so hard and it's still in pieces. 

Chester Bennington March 20th, 1976 - July 20th 2017

....it's the type of news you never expect...comes out of nowhere in the morning and punches you in the face...Have you heard? No, what? Chester Bennington....Linkin Park...he died...no, he didn't only die, he committed suicide...wait, what no way...then searching online, seeking something/anything to tell me it's a horrendous mistake, that it's not true - that it's one of those Jackie Chan died type hoaxes, that everyone got it wrong. Seriously - Chester is always so alive, there's absolutely no way he could be dead, right? Right? And yet...no matter how I wanted to believe it was a mistake, it was all too true. The rest of the day, the rest of the weekend, the rest of the month, the rest of...just numb...

happy birthday, daddy

Happy birthday, Daddy. This is what, your sixty second? The last one you celebrated here with us was your 49th....wow, time flies, doesn't it? It never seems to fly by, but then so soon, too soon, it's May again, and yet another birthday of yours goes by. And in eight short days it'll be thirteen years we've been mourning your loss. Yet, really, it's not mourning your loss so much as remembering you.

Fosters in Rescue

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Sometimes it seems as if  ​my husband and I​ have been involved in rescue forever. From fostering dogs, running to ​a shelter for a dog evaluation, picking up owner surrenders, photographing foster dogs for the website, helping ​organize fundraisers like our annual calendar, ​attending our events to promote the rescue…​it has become such a large part of our life that​ often​ I forget it hasn’t always been so. Then a quick email exchange happens that reminds me of my first times…

Expectations vs Reality

Many women get knocked for growing up wanting to be a stay at home mom. Me – I never wanted to be a stay at home mom, but I don’t knock them – someone has to stay at home and ring in the new generation. What I did want - not just want, but what I did expect - is that someday I would be a mother.